Like a lot of people about to do something insane, Robert Bass and Steven Gordon met over a Craigslist ad.

Gordon was seeking help getting his Malaysian wife—the mother of his children—deported, apparently because she was planning to divorce him. Bass saw the ad and started exchanging emails with Gordon. Soon, according to police, the two were plotting murder.

"I just simply asked on Craigslist, 'How do you revoke a green card?'" the 49-year-old Web developer told Dallas' CBS affiliate. "It was out of depression, and the next morning I deleted it."

Gordon may have scrubbed the post, but according to police the pair's scheming escalated. They discussed planting drugs in the woman's car and then tipping police. A felony conviction could easily result in her green card being revoked and see her deported.

Soon afterwards the two met at a gas station. That's where the talk turned to murder. Bass recalled to NBC 5: "He reached over and dropped $3,000 on my floorboard and [said], 'Get it done.'"

Gordon who, like Bass, is sitting in jail on a $500,000 bond, is singing a different tune. He says murder was never a part of the discussion. Instead, Bass was extorting him and threatening his whole family.

"'We're going to take your wife out if you don't pay us $15,000,'' Bass allegedly threatened.

That's not what police records show. According to the arrest affidavit, the two men refer to scrounging up "25 grand" to "take her out" in text messages.

"The only thing I'm happy for is that my wife and children are safe, even if I never see them again," Gordon told NBC5.

The murder was supposed to have happened a few days ago. Both men have been charged with conspiracy to commit capital murder.

Photo via CBSFW

Comedian Jason Sereno is having a laugh at the fact that the Chicago Sun-Times has laid off its entire photography department.

On Thursday, the newspaper issued a statement confirming the staffing decision.

"The Sun-Times business is changing rapidly and our audiences are consistently seeking more video content with their news," the release explained. 

"We have made great progress in meeting this demand and are focused on bolstering our reporting capabilities with video and other multimedia elements. The Chicago Sun-Times continues to evolve with our digitally savvy customers, and as a result, we have had to restructure the way we manage multimedia, including photography, across the network."

That "restructuring" means that they'll rely more on freelancers who, in addition to writing content, will also provide their video and photographs. This proved to be the perfect fodder for Sereno, who on Thursday afternoon posted a Craigslist ad entitled "Chicago Sun-Times Needs iReporters."

" Quick question: What is an aperture?" asked the fake ad.

"Answer: Who gives a shit?"

Sereno's ad then goes on to rip the Sun-Times.

"Due to changes in the media landscape and an unwillingness to pay professional photographers for full-time employment, the Chicago Sun-Times is searching for iReporters to cover a wide variety of subjects and events around the city."

Photo via Craigslist

Potential candidates should have rudimentary video and photographic skills, transportation, and, above all, a smartphone. Previous journalistic experience is not only not required, but it would be detrimental for anyone applying. 

Interested applicants are also required to provide a "brief review of the new 'Arrested Development' episodes on Netflix," and the "names of three friends who may also be interested in iReporting."

Sadly, being an iReporter doesn't actually pay, but at least you can say that you worked for the same newspaper that just laid off Pulitzer prize-winning photojournalist John White.

H/T Romenesko | Photo via Connie Ma/Flickr

Backpage is a Craigslist-style open listing website with a well-trafficked Adult section. Anyone can post there if they claim to be an adult—including Minnesota high school cheerleader Montia Parker, who offered sexual services online.

But Parker wasn't offering her own sexual services. She was exploiting her fellow cheerleading teammate, a 16-year-old girl who police say is a special education student.

The 18-year-old Parker faces charges of sex trafficking, solicitation, and promoting and inducing prostitution after she allegedly drove the 16-year-old to a man's apartment to have sex, then took the money the girl made.

The victim, who has a developmental cognitive delay, according to her mother, thought that Parker was joking when she suggested that in order to make money, she might perform oral sex.

Parker had encouraged her teammate to send her pictures of the teammate posing in outfits that "show a little skin." Playing along, the teammate complied.

When Parker contacted her on Facebook later with an organized meeting, however, the joke became a nightmare.

Parker got the teen out of school by pretending to be her mother. The teen refused to perform sexual acts, despite Parker allegedly telling her, "I didn't drive up here for nothing, and eventually, you will need to have sex."

Backpage has long come under fire for harboring prostitution and solicitation. In 2011, the Seattle Police Department found that out of numerous sites under investigation, only Backpage, which is owned by the Village Voice Media (VVM), contained ads for juvenile prostitution. In response, VVM declared it had cracked down on Backpage's monitoring procedures to insure that no illegal activity was occurring.

But the measures may have only gone so far. Apparently no one on Backpage's staff caught Parker's ad, which listed her own phone number and email address. And as recently as a month ago, a Philadelphia police operation arrested four people in a Backstage prostitution ring.

“We’re seeing a lot of Backpage-related stuff,” Lt. Kim Lund, president of the Minnesota Juvenile Officers’ Association, told the Star Tribune. “It’s probably more prevalent than we want to admit.”

Photo via Minnetonka/Patch.com

By Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent

Lana the corgi just wanted a friend to play with.

Bored with the usual 9-to-5 grind, the dog logged on to Craigslist to find out about local playdate opportunities in her area.

“She found another corgi that was willing to meet up,” says Jen Dwyer, a friend. “There weren’t any pictures attached to the posting, though. Guess that should have been a red flag.”

Indeed, the playmate that greeted Lana last week was not a corgi at all. At least, not technically.

“It was a stuffed corgi,” says Dwyer. “It took a few minutes for Lana to realize, but once she did, she was really disappointed. I’ll tell you, the Internet can be a weird place sometimes.”

Via @lanathecorgi.

Go through enough online dating profiles and you begin to wonder if anyone on this planet is in possession of a brain. It’s not the profile writer’s fault: It’s just really hard to summarize yourself in a few typed paragraphs. If you met in person, you might be totally charmed, but on sites like OkCupid and Match, you're too put off by grammatical errors and unwarranted douche vibes.

That’s where one anonymous, single, 27-year-old lady in D.C. has a brilliant idea: Become a professional online dating profile writer. Why not? People are looking for love, and she’s looking to get paid for her writing. To find clients, she posted an ad on Craigslist, calling herself Find the Write One (FTWO):

I'm a sketch comedy and T.V. sitcom writer, and have worked on numerous shows in L.A. And I want to help you get laid. Or at least find love.

- I have a B.A. in English from an Ivy league school, love to write, and can objectively say I am a funny writer. Listen, I'm single and writing a craigslist ad about helping others find love. LET ME HAVE THIS ONE THING, k?

- I'm on numerous dating sites, and often receive messages about how the writing in my profile caught his/her attention (that's right, I've gotten responses from both men AND women regarding my writing).

- I've edited my friends' dating profiles to give them a more comedic tone and they've received messages specifically referencing lines I've added. It puts a smile on my face until I realize I'm Janeane Garofalo from The Truth About Cats & Dogs.

She's charging $25 bucks a profile. 

She also threw in a little tag about looking for a boyfriend for herself. I emailed her to talk about her plan and why people are so bad at writing their own profiles.

DD: How many responses have you had so far?

FTWO: I have had 3 responses! The first was from a girl who wanted to know if I was interested in making hundreds of thousands of dollars by working at home—I DO,but haven't responded. The second was from a guy who asked if I'd like my car wrapped with the "Re-loadable Visa Prepaid Debit Card Advert by MyVanilla" for $350 weekly. Again, money, yes please. I still have that one in my inbox. And the third was an ACTUAL potential client. I responded with a rundown of my services in greater detail and have yet to hear back... The car wrap idea is looking really good about now.

DD: Who are you? What’s your deal?

FTWO: UGH the debate to remain elusive and mysterious and intriguing versus the attention-whore only child who wants my name EVERYWHERE.

I will give you some bullet points about my life because it's a little out there—

• Moved to L.A. after college to pursue TV writing, had representation and was on a track (the right one, who knows?) to EVENTUALLY get paid for my writing (let's say by 2020). Decided after 4 years, (3 reality shows, 1 Disney show, and 1 failed pilot), I was MISERABLE in L.A. and missed my friends and family back home in D.C.
• Moved back to D.C. in Feb to work for my mom at her PR firm.
• My boss is also my roommate. We do our nightly Food Network and/or "Bachelorette" watching in her bedroom at the Watergate, where I bring the average age down about 50 yrs.
• My parents have been divorced since 2008, but are totally amicable—they actually get along so well, that my mother has given my father office space in her office suite. It happens to be the storage closet, but it's got a desk!
• My Grandma (dad's mom) is 104 and still doesn't know they're divorced, so we go to a lot of family lunches and dinners together.
• My mother and I are both single, and it's recently become a bit of an issue. Had to wait for my Grandma's (other one) cataract surgery, when my mom was out of town, in order to have an adult sleepover. Grandma's fine. My love life, not so much.

DD: How old are you?

FTWO: I recently turned 27, which seems like the EXPIRATION DATE in the "Looking for" portion on a lot of guys' OkCupid profiles...

DD:I'm 25 and my boyfriend's 35. He told me you age out like foster care. He was kidding. So you want to remain anon?

FTWO: Hahah. Was he, though...?

Anon would be great. I mean, you can always write that you assume I'm drop dead gorgeous, have a smile brighter than Liberace's loungewear, and the most attractive brain anyone has ever laid eyes on.

DD: What makes people so bad at writing their own profiles?

FTWO: Hm, I don't necessarily think people are bad writers—I actually think it's hard for people to write about themselves. They're thinking "Am I coming off like a douchebag?" (If you're asking that then yes, probably), or are so worried about doing that, they create a profile that's void of any personality. Unfortunately, the only thing one can really judge from a profile like that is appearance (from profile photos).

When I look at guys' profiles, I'm actively looking for something that makes them stand out. Sure we all like going to bars and Nats games, cool, but I want something that will give me more information about you—make it more interactive. We all know how to make lists, the difference is the users presenting that information in an entertaining way will actually get visitors' attention.

Also, DON'T respond to messages with monosyllabic answers. What am I supposed to do when you reach out to me with "Yo." Really? Really.

DD: Why should someone hire you?

FTWO: I provide a time-saving service. Also, regarding my writing—I provide an outside perspective. People get anxious writing profiles, and I give them that peace of mind by writing things they may not feel totally comfortable putting in themselves. What I add to these clients' profiles may be that one thing that catches someone's attention. That one thing they maybe spent an hour debating whether or not to add, and in the end, deleting it out of fear. I'm that supportive hand patting your back saying "No, it's good! Put it in! Look how great you are!" Sometimes you need that when self-promoting. I'm hoping to take away that pressure and stress of presenting yourself online.

H/T @Drelly | Photo via Flickr

Recent college graduates living in the Los Angeles area, now's your chance to put your useless liberal arts degree to good use and work for a cat.

On Tuesday, a person named Jill posted a Craigslist ad looking for an Instagram manager and social media marketing intern for Mr. Panther Pants, a fashion-conscious feline whose owner has dubbed "the Perez Hilton of Cats."

"He's caddy and sassy and completely snarky," the Craigslist poster claims. "He always has an opinion where other cat or dog fashion is concerned. He has his own style. We'll be creating a voice for him."

Potential candidates must have a great work ethic, have insight on how to "gain a ginormous following on Instagram," and must love cats. It's also important that any applicants possess a good sense a humor. After all, you'll basically be a cat's personal assistant, so the ability to laugh at oneself is a must.

Responsibilities will include "creating celebrity brand awareness" and managing Mr. Panther Pants's not-so-large presence on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Currently, he only has 5, 43, and 683 followers, respectively.

Pay is commensurate on experience. Just kidding, it's an unpaid internship for "College Credit/ Resume Building/Solid Job Reference." 

Those interested in the position should reevaluate their lives.

Photo via Mr. Panther Pants//Facebook

An anonymous Craiglist author is searching for his creative muse—and he's willing to pay, though we're not sure what for.

New York's "Best Of" forum on CL today has an offer that you might not be able to refuse, although the terms are kind of vague:

While similar to the erotic novelist who wanted a "sex intern" on the free classifieds site a while back, the lack of detail in this ad is the real source of intrigue. Naturally, questions abound: How exactly do muses charge? Is it by the hour? Or per word inspired?

How does one muse effectively for a novel? If it was an erotic novel, sure, you might be able to squeeze out a 30,000-word novella's worth of inspiration, but 60,000? 90,000? And if it's a fantasy or historical novel, that 120,000 words surely requires an overtime fee or double charging.

Perhaps the author is looking for someone to fill a trope. You might have better luck getting the gig if your photo makes you look like a manic pixie dream girl or, perhaps, the fabled hooker with a heart of gold.

Er. Then again, maybe not.

This ad is actually really similar to a growing fan practice, spotted often in the One Direction and Belieber fandoms, called "auditioning" for a fanfic. When you audition, you essentially tell the author a little about yourself, your personality, and why you deserve to be cast as the gorgeous Mary Sue—or perhaps one of her fun sidekicks—in his or her latest story. Auditioning is popular among the tween and young teen set, and undoubtedly has a much less erotic component than what we're projecting onto this Craigslist ad.

After all, "making art through my eyes and then to the pen" seems like a job description for an adult.  

Just don't count us in for pre-ordering this novel, whatever it is. After all, if you've got that much time and money to spend staring at a beautiful woman…

The whole writing gig? Probably just a ruse.

Photo via manic-pixie/deviantART

Craigslist has once again proven that it can be deadly.

According to NBC 10 Philadelphia, 27-year-old Daniel Cook was shot and killed by the owner of an all-terrain vehicle that Cook, his girlfriend, and another friend were viewing after seeing it for sale on Craigslist. 

Investigators said that a man they believed to be the owner of the vehicle walked Cook “around the corner” to view the ATV and shot him in the left side of the face.

Philadelphia police said that Cook was dead when officers and emergency personnel arrived on scene. He was officially pronounced dead at 11:23 pm ET Friday. 

Neighbors said that they heard two shots and saw people running from the scene. And law enforcement sources told NBC 10 that a person of interest was taken in for questioning by investigators. 

This is not the first time Craigslist has set the scene for gruesome crimes. 

Since the infamous “Craigslist Killer” incidents in 2009, the site has been at the center of a number of murder plots. Richard Beasley, an Ohio man, was sentenced to death after luring three men with Craigslist ads promising work and then killing them. And in May, a man’s plan to either deport or murder his wife was foiled after police caught wind of the plan on Craigslist. 

Image by Geoffrey Fairchild/Flickr

Charlie and Vladimir don’t get along. In fact, the guinea pig roommates have loathed one another for years.

“They met via Craigslist,” says Jim Sanchez, a mutual friend. “Vlad was looking for a roommate, and Charlie could make the rent. But immediately, he wasn’t thrilled about the way Charlie would throw his cedar shavings everywhere. It’s been tense ever since.”

Given their history, it was no surprise they weren’t thrilled to share a carrot on Monday morning.

“It was the last one in the fridge, and they were both starving,” says Sanchez. “Breakfast was awkward, to put it mildly.”

Via ningo123.

We're pretty sure this voids your manufacturer's warranty: One Texas man's Craigslist quest to trade his computer repair skills for sex aims to put the satisfaction in customer service.

"I believe in the barter system," wrote the 40-year-old Austin computer whiz, who wants the "ladies" to know that he's good at what he does. The ad, listed under Austin's "Casual Encounters" section rather than the "goods and services" section, explains, "I do have to be attracted to you for this to work," and that he prefers "HWP"—women whose height and weight are proportional.

Yeesh. Sounds like someone's hard drive is just asking to get reformatted.

As plenty of people have pointed out, this isn't the first time a Craigslister has used computer repair to get the goods. But it may be the first time an offer's been this creative: "Fix your computer" if "you fix me." Details about the theoretical fixing were unforthcoming, but that didn't stop the denizens of Reddit's geek subforum from speculating about the ins and outs of trading tech for sex.

According to one Reddit user, it's all in how you present the offer. Linglingchi shared his own experience with the "barter system"—and he didn't have to write about it on Craigslist:

So, the first time I fix your computer, I'm going to charge $50-$200 depending on how much of a pain in the ass it is. The second time, if you're cute enough, I'll suggest you just make dinner for me. Salesmanship helps a bit at this point. Maybe after fixing it, you tell them you can drop some memory in or back up their files; [j]ust keep creating reasons for you to work on their computer, and refuse payment for all the additional help. If they insist, just ask for dinner again or for a bottle of wine. If they pay you in wine, open it up and share it with them while you work on their computer.

By the fourth [or] fifth visit, in their minds, you're given them close to a $1000 worth of help and they know that making dinner doesn't come close to paying off what they feel they owe. As long as you're this side of cute and have a good deal of charm, the debt works itself out.

Wow. Apparently the computer repair trade is alive and well despite the rough economy. With all the bartering for bytes going around, it's a wonder our Craiglister even felt the need to assert that "This add [sic] is not a joke."

Screengrab via Craigslist

What do you think? Good bargain for the right woman, or just another casual hook-up disguised as a practical trade-off, like an unpaid "internship" providing "research" for an erotic novel or the chance to be someone's personal "muse"?

Photo via gerrydincher/Flickr

If standing in line for hours for a Dominque Anselcronut is not your thing, one pervy Craigslist poster has another way for you to get one. And possibly a venereal disease.

In a Craigslist ad posted June 26, a 34-year-old guy offers one cronut to any "dirty little slut who is willing to blow me"

Since the cronut debuted in May, New Yorkers haven't been able to get enough. On Craigslist, people are requesting anywhere from $10 to $80 for one pastry. (The Dominque Ansel bakery sells each for $5.) But don't panic. There's plenty of simple homemade cronut recipes to get your fix.

Trading sexual favors for cronuts isn’t the only bizarre offering to hit Craigslist. There’s also evidence of a booming blackmarket cronut-delivery industry that charges wildly inflated prices, as shown in these recent ads.

Photo by joyosity/Flickr

A Florida man was arrested on rape charges after allegedly posing as a photographer on Craigslist and using the ruse to sexually assault two women.

Anthony Molina-Iglesias, 30, reportedly met with two women from Orlando on June 28 after offering modelling sessions. Police said the Miami resident drove their car to the woods and took one of the women deep into the trees, only to tie her up, choke, and rape her. He then allegedly choked the other woman and drove off in the car.

Retail worker Molina-Iglesias has never owned a camera, according to relatives, and has been accused of using the scheme to assault another victim. A Feb. 1 police report indicates he met another woman through a friend of hers and offered to take free modeling photos of her. He allegedly raped that woman in the woods as well.

Craigslist has borne a number of crimes over the last few years. Parents have placed kids for adoption, a man sent horny users to a neighbor's house as a prank, and there have been a couple of Craigslist-related murders.

Pedophiles have also attempted to entice children and obtain child pornography through Craigslist. Some use a coding system to communicate and seek out victims.

Molina-Iglesias faces sexual battery, armed sexual battery, kidnapping, and carjacking charges.

Screenshot via WSVN-TV

Consider a recent work posted on Craigslist titled, “MOMA Rendition of a Cronut.”

First off, no one needs explained to them contemporary art’s propensity towards failure. Which is to say most of us do need the little plastic cards hanging next to many works to explain why a particular piece belongs in, say, the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) as opposed to the Museum of Bad Art. 

The artist’s explanation for the Craigslist cronut priced at $200? “From a revered artist in the epicurean minimalist movement.” 

To make a completely uneducated observation: It appears that, as general rule, after around 1950, those who couldn’t draw hands and faces instead shifted focus to honing their explanations of the work. And entry into the Museum of Modern Art required mastery of this latter mode.

Not to insist this drawing should hang in MoMA, but on those terms, it’s pretty good (postmodern?) commentary on the cronut craze. Recall that the pastry is a croissant-donut hybrid produced in, of all neighborhoods, SoHo, the once-bohemian outposts for beats and street performers that has become the most expensive neighborhood in New York City. 

Given that people are willing to purchase a cronut for up to 600 percent of its market value, $200 doesn’t seem so unreasonable an asking price for the drawing.

Photo via mirka23/Flickr, remix by Jay Hathaway

The quickest way to sell something on Craigslist is to make fun of your intended buyer.

Last Tuesday, Skip Tramontana listed "Orange Crush"—a custom-built fixed gear bike— on the Chicago edition of the classifieds site. But the ad in question wasn't intended for anyone looking to purchase a quality ad. It was targeting a specific beast: the hipster in dude-bro's clothing.

"Your abs are courtesy of crossfit and your dimpled smile is courtesy of God's good grace. You pull wool at Sheffield Garden Walk, Epic, State, Castaways, and the bleachers like a motherfucking sheep herder," Tramontana's ad begins, name checking several hot spots that litter the north Chicago neighbrohoods of Lincoln Park and Lakeview, including the famed bleachers at Wrigley Field.

But this is only a facade. Deep down, this imaginary Bro Montana is nothing more than just another hipster who'd rather spend his time gentrifying Humboldt Park or looking for that first edition copy of David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest at Myopic Books on Milwaukee Avenue.

That's totally okay with Tramontana. He's not there to call you out. In fact, he's trying to help you keep up this duplicitous charade by selling you his bike.

"It's the only fixie in the city that scores major hipster cred yet still will look great hanging on the exposed brick wall of your River North loft," he brags.

"Take it to six corners, and you'll get 'nice bike' from every tattooed lad and lass wearing a ridiculous Danny Ferry Atlanta Hawks jersey and painter's cap combo you see. And each and every Lululemon cashier chick you score at Paris Club will say the same thing as you escort her through your pad and back to where the 'magic happens.'"

In the end, the clever ad worked. According to RedEye Chicago, Tramontana—owner of his own boutique ad agency, which, you know, explains everything—sold his bike for $355 (he originally was asking for $300) and a date with the bidder's co-worker. 

The humourous posting came with some backlash from both the scenesters and the brohemians, who replied with unpleasantries. It was eventually taken down, but Tramontana reposted it on Thursday for the amusement of everyone.

"The hipsters were articulate but haughty, and the bros were inarticulate, tended to rely on homophobic slurs, and were easily confused," he added. 

But, hey, who cares. The bike is sold, Tramontana has a date, and he has money to pay the babysitter.

Photo via Skip Tramontana/Craigslist

Lock your doggy doors, pet owners. There's a new crimewave that's targeting runaway pups around the country. And like many horrible things on the Internet, it begins when an enterprising scumbag loads up Craigslist.

The scam, called "dog flipping," preys on our better nature. A lot of times when people find stray dogs or runaways, they'll snap a photo and post it to Craigslist, hoping the owner might stumble across the ad. But dog flippers are searching through those posts, too. They'll pretend to be the owner, pick up the dog, then put it up for sale on Craigslist the next day.

It's an easy way to score a pretty sizable payday.

The Indianapolis Star recently documented the case of Raiden, a gorgeous white wolf malamute mix that ran away in June. Thanks to the help of a local group that monitors pet flipping, Raiden's owner found him on Craigslist--for sale. So 22-year-old Elizabeth Arroyo answered the ad and showed up at the woman's house. Raiden recognized his owner immediately The Star detailed what happened next:

After Arroyo and her father talked down the woman’s price to $900, they told her they would go to an ATM to get the cash to finish the deal.

They brought back police instead.

So be careful the next time you purchase a dog over Craigslist. Your cute and cuddly new friend might be a victim of illegal dog trafficking. Stick to the SPCA, folks.

Photo via Epsos.de/Flickr

If you’re going to invite folks over for group sex via Craigslist, you may want to get the address right. A 17-year-old in Virginia Beach, Va., is facing misdemeanor charges for using someone else’s.

The incident goes back a Friday in May when another Virginia Beach resident had a stranger show up on her doorstep, mentioning a Craigslist ad. What could have seemed an honest mistake at first quickly morphed into a disturbing trend—more and more men kept showing up at the woman’s house on sleepy Lasalle Drive, and she had no idea why.

One neighbor, Mark Choing, seemed determined to get to the bottom of the matter, as Wavy.com reported:

"I actually saw a gentleman over here that is not from the area, and he kind of figured he wasn't supposed to be here, so he stopped in his tracks and started walking the other way," Choing said.

Neighbors cornered one of the men and asked what he was doing.

"He said somebody had posted something on Craigslist about something happening at this lady's house," Choing added. "I guess sexual things or whatever.”

It’s the “or whatever” that’s especially worrying. 

Two months later, police had traced the original ad to another home, also on Lasalle Drive, a looped residential road you can’t even access on Google Street View. The teenage author was charged with harassment by computer, though it remains unclear why he chose to target this particular neighbor, who was terrified by the incident.

Neighbors and commenters reading the initial story alike suggested that there is no room on Craigslist for a sexual marketplace, though this ignores how easy it would be to direct orgy enthusiasts to a particular address via any number of other sites and services.

In fact, the men who responded to the ad probably should have known better. Rare is the online solicitation of sex that reveals the venue upfront. Pure skepticism dictates that you ought to at least correspond with the advertiser—if only to confirm that neither of you are murderers—before that information comes out.

Apparently, some guys just get too excited to do their due diligence. Even if the group sex had occurred, it would have been an awfully dude-heavy affair.  

The Casual Encounters section for Craigslist Hampton Roads, presumably where the “vulgar” ad surfaced, is still bustling with trannssexuals offering fellatio to well-endowed men, women who will “milk your prostate,” and white guys looking for hot latinas. 

But buyer beware: if something sounds too good to be true, it’s probably a kid messing with you.

Photo via Google Maps

It's one thing to have your parents help get you land a date. It's an entirely different, and completely creepy, thing to have them surreptitiously orchestrate an entire summer of love with the sole purpose of getting their kid laid.

A mother from Philadelphia has turned to Craigslist in a desperate attempt to get her 18-year-old Harvard-bound son a "sugar baby" to attend a concert, pick up her son, and have sex with him, many times, in exchange for a car.

The mother made the post Tuesday. Check it out the post in its entirety below.

Photo via gabrielgm/Flickr

An U.S. Army soldier got a rude awakening when he returned home to Washington from nine months in Afghanistan.

His beloved dog Oakley was gone, reportedly sold on Craigslist.

"[He] never growled or anything at anybody, always ran up with his whole body shaking and put his head down to sniff you," the soldier, Brandon Harker, told local news station Q13 Fox. "He was a lap dog; he'd crawl up on the couch and try to fit on your lap." Several sources told the station they'd seen the dog for sale on the site back in February.

Harker had left the dog in the care of a friend, he said, though that friend apparently didn't take that role too seriously. Q13 Fox said that people claimed they saw the dog for sale on Craigslist in February.

Harker created a Craigslist post of his own Wednesday in a desperate bid to get Oakley back:

I just recently returned from a 9 month deployment. And upon arrival back into the area I found out my yellow labrador retriever was either given away or sold while I was gone. ... If anyone has any information on this and can help me please do. I am just trying to get him back to me since he was wrongfully given away or sold with out my permission while I was deployed.

A corresponding Facebook post has been shared by more than 30,000 people in the 17 hours since it went up.

Pet sales are technically prohibited on Craigslist. However, the practice is rampant in real life. Harker's own Snohomish County, for instance, has a Chihuahua mix for $220 and a black lab puppy for $250, both of which went up Friday.

Photo via Brandon Harker/Craigslist, remix by Fernando Alfonso III

We all have our own ways of channeling the pain of a breakup. Some of us bottle up our feelings; some of us can talk about nothing but. Some of us self-destruct; some of us are better off. But when your significant other has been unfaithful, humor is often the best defense.

This ad, posted yesterday on Craigslist, is pure post-breakup poetry. The San Francisco-based seller is offering a queen-sized Simmons Beautyrest mattress, for only $150. That’s pretty much a steal, but wait, there’s more:

“It's three years old, and feels like you're sleeping on a fucking cloud - even when you're unknowingly sleeping next to a lying cheater. In a bad relationship and have to lie next to the constant reminder that you didn't go to grad school so that you could move and get engaged? Then this is the bed for you, it will get you to fucking REM and for 6-8 hours every night you'll forget that you're sleeping next to a sociopath. There are no stains, and this thing hasn't seen action in a while.”

Buying a used mattress on Craigslist can be dicey, so this is a nice heads-up. No stains, only three years old. This person is really selling us on this mattress of broken dreams. Just one more thing:

“And no, I won't help you get it out to your car. There are only eleven steps up to my apartment. You figure it out. I was going to sell the mattress for $200 but I figured it was worth the $50 to watch someone else have to struggle over this oppressive burden. Not a deal-breaker, but it would help immensely if you looked like my ex as I would love to see an entitled, Ivy-League educated asshole struggle with this thing. But totally not necessary.”

Photo via How can I recycle this/Flickr

Hugh Hefner may have just lost his last, best customer: the U.S. military. With soldiers finding their pornography on free streaming websites—or opportunities for actual sex on Craigslist—interest in glossies like Playboy and Penthouse has all but dried up.

In total, 891 different magazines (including craft title Bead-It Today, the anticonsumerist Adbusters, and WWE Kids, a wrestling periodical for children) will no longer be sold at on-base shops. Over the past 15 years, sales of such titles have dropped 86 percent. Army Lt. Col. Antwan C. Williams, a spokesman for the Army and Air Force Exchange Service, explained:

The decision to no longer stock the material is a business decision driven by the time, money and energy required to facilitate buying habits, combined with decreasing demand. Magazine sales are on a sustained downward trajectory due to the proliferation of digital delivery.

Oddly enough, the decision to axe the magazines came shortly after the Department of Defense resanctioned the selling of Playboy et al. on military property. A group called Morality in Media had lobbied to ban adult magazines, but Pentagon officials were adamant that such material does not meet the criteria for indecency under federal law.  

Morality in Media is at least a decade behind the times, of course: These days, military personnel are seeking their sexual release online, where you can find porn so explicit it would make Larry Flynt blush. Not just photos and videos, either; soldiers are experimenting with Internet-facilitated hookups, much in the way their twentysomething peers back home like to.

The Craigslist sex problem is so bad, in fact, that internal bodies like the Naval Criminal Investigative Service have begun to enact sting operations to catch anyone trying to get lucky. Marines show up for a casual encounter with an undercover agent and find themselves subject to a decidedly non-casual disciplinary proceeding.

Of course, none of this is an issue for those brave fighting men and women who still use their God-given imaginations. We salute you for your sense of honor.

H/T Atlantic Wire | Photo by S. Ruppe/Flickr